world come crashing down

What do you do when your world suddenly comes crashing down? But you are well aware that no-one but yourself caused it?

It's the little things people say like "wow it's almost a year" that makes your mind dwell on things you shouldn't even be thinking about. You start thinking about "what if's" and "maybe's". And all of a sudden you have made a decision that your heart feels is wrong but your mind feels is right. So you stuck in the night having to listen how you heart and mind goes back and fourth, rambling on things they think are best for you. And the sad thing is you, yourself, has no clue whats best for you.

You wake up the next morning feeling numb and blue with no zest for life itself. But you force yourself up because life goes on anyway whether you like it or not. As you start going about your usual routine, it is those irrelevant things like the song on the radio, a cute saying on the car driving next you and the lovely couple sitting in the bus infront of you that makes you realise how much you are going to miss a crucial part of the life you had before today.

Now you are left with only the hope of maybe someday you meet up again and reconnect.

Lastnight I found myself wondering about the most craziest things. One topic stood out the most. Cheating.

We live in this world today, where people are intrigued by the wrongness of things. They feel that only their own satisfaction matters. They go about hurting people that are important to them, disobeying their beliefs all for a little something they call "living life".

Life does not have to be lived that way. This may sound very cliche but there really are better things in life. We might think that it will never happen to us but all around you it's happening. You witness friends and family cheating and it scares you. Just to think that it may have been your loved one cheating on you.

If only life had no wrong doings. This world would be a beter place.

friends on mind

I just got off the phone with one of bestest budz! Amina. I never heard from her in a while and felt the need to call her and see how she's doing. Everything turned out to be well and we got to speaking about alot of things. It just made me realise how much i miss my friends and how important they are to me. We shouldn't neglect our friends and i vow not to anymore no matter how zany my life may be at the moment. I will defintely be making a turn by her in the week :) and hopefully all my other high school budz!

emptiness..

As I sit and think of my life, I cannot help but feel a certain empitiness. I cannot entirely explain the feeling. Eventhough I have great friends and family, and I'm following a successful career path, I still tend to feel this hole inside of me.


There are so many things I have been exposed to but I cannot have it for myself. I realize that these are the things I want most in life...but...it feels so soon. Am I too young? Ofcause! but then why do i want it so bad? It's not exactly a want, it's more like a need, so to speak. As if to fill the hole.


Let me approach it in another manner. Maybe I feel this way because I am being denied it. So it's like a rebelious thing to want what you can't have. It's not something I should take lightly, it's a great responsibilty, yet I feel that I can cope, since I have been coping with "it" since I was about about 11 years old. I can handle the situation better than most people much older than me.


I bet if I wasn't denied many important milestones in my life then I wouldn't feel this emptiness. They thought they were protecting me from things they did not want me to experience because "they" reckoned I was too immature. Now I am stuck on this road that I feel has been set long ago for me, with no side roads, no stop signs and only green traffic lights. Is that stops sign ever going to come? Where I could just heel-down for a few seconds before I continue again...

Soppy story ...or not:)

hey hey...

Initially I came to my computer to write a soppy story about how my day was filled with obstacles that made be totally miserable. About how I could have seen the love of my life but so many things stood in the way. A pit stop to this blog made me think otherwise.

I first visited facebook, where I am currently helping out a friend in need. Obviously it was about boys and I realized that I was giving great advice that I was ignoring to use in my own situation. I told her "don't give up that easily" and that's when it struck me... I shouldn't let this minor incident get me down, instead I should try harder next time and never stop till I truly get what I want.

I truly adore this guy and we make each other happy and from now onward every person or obstacle that gets in the way of making me find true happiness with him will only push me more, push me to never give up hope and fight for what I truly want...my love.

Love,
Sweetcheeks

Hola!

Good mood? So so...It's amazing how something small and usually goes unnoticed makes your day wonderfull and how things could go the opposite direction with a sudden movement.

I almost got to see the love of my life today. Yeah.. a pity hey...it's an "almost". Today started out with a phone call and an ear-to-ear smile. I was so full of hope and immediately knew my day was going to be awesome.

Then!! with one different thought as mine all my plans and hopes for the day were shattered! I had to folllow the lead of my parents. Bye bye happiness, once again.

I must say that I did enjoy the family day I had. But then again, all the times I do go out are with my family! I just wanted something different you know, like just different (without siblings).

It makes me think am I ever going to have my freedom? Freedom to do what I feel like at this age. I'm always going to have someone by my side, watching my every move. It's so unfair* At least im free at campus to do what I want ;) lol. But then again those are only my friends, special yes!... but not the special I want.

I have learnt over the years to never give up!

Its time for me to say..
Buenas Noches

Rebellious behaviour?

Hey There...

The past week has been hectic. I am moody, I'm biting everyones heads off, I feel so frustrated all the time, I never agree to what others say...

I decided to rethink and analyse the cause to this behaviour. This rebellious behaviour. All I could come up with is the frustration of my life. I feel that everyone is always expecting the greatest from me. I cannot slip up for one second and not be judged.

For as long as I can think I have been doing just what everyone wants me to be doing! It's always "you should be like this" or "do this not that" and "why are you doing that? You must be like this". Give me some peace!!

They are always trying to control my life. As if I am too immature to do so myself. Yes, I dont mind a little help or advice but let me be me. I'm human, practically born to make mistakes! I'm am never going to learn my likes and dislikes, I want to try and figure things out on my own.

Basically this behaviour is coming from the fact that all the decisions I tend to make is a disappointment to everyone. They always making sure they find the tiniest fault in whatever I do. It's never good enough. I am always a failure in their eyes when it comes to things i decided on my own.

I just want people to accept the things that make me happy. Like for insstance the person iI like has got nothing to do with them! I put up this smile that they always see but its most of the time fake. because I am hurting inside and they dont even know it. They just see what they wanna see and what I let them see.

like the french says..
Au revoir!!

Completion of my first SEMESTER!

Hey hey :)!

So its been six months. Six months of hard studying, weeks of campus junk food, umpteen tests, never-ending lectures, but most of all six months of joyous craziness!

The mere thought of being a loner was swept out of my mind only two weeks into campus life! I met the most amazing friends and coolest "forever buddies"! We do everything together! even when we need the loo! lol! You'd imagine campus being so free and sometimes lazy but with the right friends I manage to have a balanced varsity experience.

Not only is it all about the fun we have, we also inspire and motivate one another in the studies we do. Yes! We would head of to campus library every tuesday whether it is to study, complete tutorials, get some answers or just sleep on the desk! lol we help each other through all ups and downs.

Honestly, you would think I'm way crazy for dedicating this piece to my friends but you would not believe how my survival was all because of them. I love my dear buddies and their craziness.

Starting a new journey

Yes, I'm at one of the most well-known universities in the world. And it's in South of the Africa. lol.

Honestly about two weeks ago i was not at all anxious, excited or ecstatic as others would say about going to university and especially it being one of the best ones around. I don't know why i felt nothing. Nothing at all in a sense as if i wanted to give up, like i didn't feel like going to university at all. People all around me were like going mad with excitement. And i was like: OK! whats the big deal?, even my father, which some friends of mine say show no emotion, was super excited for my part when he came from the parent's orientation.

So I've just ended the week of my orientation and i must say it's only now starting to feel like something. I guess i had the worry of being a loner since NON of my friends are attending here. I had to start from scratch all over again. And it's hard you know, especially for me who is such a shy person and with my family always bugging me about having a little friends...i do have lotsa friends but they only know the very closest to my heart. not that the others aren't. but it's just that if they truly knew the others, they'd be surprised and regret that they ever pressured me about having lotsa friends. but now I'm glad to say that i have made some cool friends at varsity, me only being there for 3 days and all.

Classes start the second week in Feb. I must say I'm extremely nervous about that one. Legend says that the lecturers are mean. but i'l have to wait and see though. I've got like a five day schedule that runs till 3 in the afternoon. luckily for me on Fridays it only runs till 1pm.

It's going to be hectic for me but when i finish here i'll be a Chartered Accountant who will definitely be traveling the world. So goodlUck to me and those others pursuing there wonderful dreams!