Am I ridiculous for falling for him??

Today I saw his status, it was a girls name, I FB'd her just to see who she was. I don't even know if his into her, she could be a friend or even a cousin! but I was jealous! This green monster look is not working for me. It's not how I am. I want to cry thinking about it. Thinking about how ridiculous this entire situation is! I wish I could just forget about him. Just turn this page over and not even remember his name. But on the other  hand, I want to be with him. I want to go on a date with him. I want to have cute little picnics under the sunset with him. I want to dress up in cute little dresses and go to cute little restaurants with him. I want it all but i want it with him. and I don't know WHY I feel this way!

myself and I, we have some straightening out to do

A moment a go I saw his status, something about his friend being in his wedding. I don't know what came over me, even though I know for a fact that it is just a joke, it saddened me. That's when I realized that maybe I do really like him.

I sat there on the sofa, with one teary eye, thinking about what I would do or how I would feel if I discovered that it was actually true. My reaction would be anger, sadness, frustration and regret. Anger for the reason that he is getting married with someone other than me. Sadness because I would have to force my heart to stop liking him. Frustration for all the confused and looks of pity I shall get from my family. And lastly regret, regret that I never took the chance, regret that I wasn't brave enough to just tell him how I feel, regret that I was too much of a wuss to ask him to give me a chance, regret that I've waited too long. If this day is to come, I would most probably disappear for the next two days. I wont cry and show that I am weak. I will pretend, pretend that everything is okay with me, pretend that my life just goes on.

The saddest of all is that I cannot tell anyone about him. I do not want "him again??!!" looks. And long talks about "why's?".. I can't talk to my friends about it because it affects them too. Crazy right? That I guy I wish to date will affect my friends.I know that I will never lose their friendship over this, for that we are too close! I am just scared that they would think differently about me. I value their friendship above all. I just cant help that I have fallen once again for him after two weeks of trying to get myself to stop.

p.s Never stop liking a guy just to not like him anymore. The brain might block it out but the heart will always    linger on it.