This evening I completely went off at my 10 year old brother, for something as simple as him doing this bobbing thing with his head. I screamed at him and his response to me was "I did nothing to you" and a shouted back saying that he knows everything HE does gets on my last nerve!
I turned and continued to dish him a plate of food. When I finally looked at him. That tear almost arriving but not yet there. My heart sank. He did not deserve that. Worst of all is that I could not even open my mouth to say Sorry.
This might sound so cliched but you see, the problem is not him. It is me.
I look at him and I fear the type of guy he will grow up to be. I see this single guy toying with young girls' emotions and beautiful minds. That's when I realised: I am afraid for who or what he might turn out to be, and because of my own tormented experiences, I automatically assume he will be the same.
It's been 3 years since I've last written anything. A lot has happened. And I mean A LOT. Thankfully everything that occurred made me a different person and I can finally admit that were it not for those mostly 'downs' I would not be the person I am today. I am more driven, more confident and I know what I want in life and nothing can stop me. Well besides a guy that doesn't feel the same. Well I think he doesn't feel the same, yet sends signs that he does feel something. Confusing right? Yeah me too!! It always comes right back to a guy that messes up your positive mindset you had going. HAHA.
SO what am I going to do about this whole 'my brother turning into a douchebag when his in his twenties' fear. Well since I know the heartache of it all and the signs and mannerisms of them all, I strive to, from this point onwards, to steer him in the right direction. Teach him to treat any woman like a queen. To always respect women. To not lie to women (because hey you always get caught, and most of the time us women, because we care for you so dearly, we let it slide and not even inform you that you were just caught out). Most importantly, be open to the woman in his life, tell us your intentions, tell us you like us, we appreciate it even if you tell us you don't like us.
Because damn I'm too old to be playing these foolish games and too old to be making assumptions all the time on whether what you saying ACTUALLY means you like me or not. All we really want is honesty.
